Helping Children Succeed in School, Life

September brings not only the school bus, but also some interesting articles on education and parenting.  One article that appeared in the New York Times on Labor Day made good reading and shared some good counsel, even though I don’t think the title, “School Curriculum Falls Short on Bigger Lessons,” applies to Friends School.  Citing Kenneth Ginsburg and Susan Fitzgerald’s new book Letting Go with Love and Confidence: Raising Responsible, Resilient, Self-Sufficient Teens in the 21^st Century it addresses many questions including the question of how to best praise a child’s academic achievement.   

It turns out that in one study children who were praised for their intelligence when completing mathematical puzzles began to underperform children in the same group who were praised for their effort.  The children praised for their intelligence did worse on subsequent tests and started to avoid answering difficult questions, fearful that they could not live up to their perceived potential and might fail, whereas children praised for their effort persisted and tackled even more challenging problems.   Dr. Ginsberg reported “When we focus on performance, when we say ‘make sure you get A’s,’ we have kids who are terrified of B’s.”  Instead he counsels, “Kids who are praised for effort, those kids learn that intelligence is something that can be built.”  I’m not a researcher, but I have tried this technique in my own parenting and found it to be useful and believe it had a positive effect.   (My son and daughter are 22 and 24 now, still growing and establishing themselves as young adults, and I’m delighted that they still seem to value my counsel!)

Dr. Ginsburg suggests that choosing the right words does not have to be hard.  Instead of saying “I’m proud you got an A on the test” try “I’m so proud of you for studying so hard.”  The same lessons spill over into the rest of life, including sports.   He also suggests using open-ended questions like “Tell me about the game.  Did you have fun?” instead of simply “How many points did you score?”

The article and the book address a range of topics, all addressing how to foster a child’s focus, self-control and critical thinking.   For example asking responsive questions and encouraging a child to find ways to research or test their own hypothesis rather than simply answering their question can promote critical thinking.  Engaging in collaborative research with your child may be a way to model curiosity and lifelong learning.

If these topics interest you then click on the link to the article above and look it over.  I’d be glad to discuss it with you when we next meet, or you can post your own reflections below.